I am a 38 year old stay at home mom of 2 living kids & 1 who fly’s high & watches over us. My husband provides for our family and we live in middle class suburbia just outside of Denver Colorado. I have heard many comments regarding my life as seen on Facebook or heard when talking to people. “you are SO lucky!”, “Sounds like a charmed life”, “Your mom must be proud”, You have accomplished so much”, and my favorite of all “I WISH I had your life”
These kinds comments were actually one of the reasons I was so sure that no one actually knew anything about me and my actual life. It was time to find a way to remove these masks. After 38 years, and a whole lifetime of being dehumanized I am finally in a place where I can finally meet the little girl hidden inside of me behind the many masks I have had to wear throughout my life.
Looks can be and often are deceiving. I used to work so hard to look “normal” at all costs. My entire life I have wanted nothing more then just to be normal. My primary care doctor said it best last fall.
“Remember you ARE normal in a completely abnormal way”
This blog was originally started in fall of 2016 as an attempt to fulfill this lifetime pull to create something I can be proud of and to make my own path in life and to help others by sharing my story. But a little over a year ago I just didn’t have the tools, self awareness, knowledge or understanding of…um well anything actually. I didn’t realize that a blog would force me to become introspective in ways I didn’t even know were possible.
But being a head first jumping in kinda gal I went for it. I had unknowingly jumped head first into this rabbit hole I could have never prepared myself to venture down (think Alice following the White Rabbit). You could say it opened my eyes to places in my mind that I didn’t even know were in the realm of possibility of existence in MY head. This “Rabbit Hole” started me on the path of self awareness I could have only dreamt about. Having the power to love myself, believe in myself & understand myself has helped me in every aspect of my life & has given so much clarity to so many things in my life.
There are some people out there who take bad things and let them fester and cause hate and resentment. I am trying to take a lifetime’s worth of hard things that are beyond what most people have experienced in their lives and take all that bad stuff write about it and turn them into something good.
This blog is my outlet for letting people in. I have never been good at truly opening up. I don’t really know how. But I am going to tell my stories, share my thoughts, share my bad days and my good days. I am hoping that by blogging I will finally find myself a REAL voice. I will be able to get my thoughts out there and maybe help someone else who has been lost and needs that one little light of hope to spark a fire of motivation in themselves.
Who am I? I The Loopy Llama. A strong, brilliant, beautiful HUMAN. To my readers now and in the future, thank you for reading and following the life of 1 crazy lady trying to find her way in the world. Hopefully this blog will help me continue get to know myself and will help me find ways to really start to understand others.